When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
