she woke up with a sticky ear
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize