In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
