I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
