I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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