38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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