Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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