weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
