i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
