you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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