I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
