i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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