I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
