'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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