My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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