Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
