I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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