my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
