Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
