I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
