this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
