don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i dont even know how to be here
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
