is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
