I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
