No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
