I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
