We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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