Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
