Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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