You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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