I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
