she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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