Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
