pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize