I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
