The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
