Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
