id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
