where does the pee come out of this thing
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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