And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
