Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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