so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
