I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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