i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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