So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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