her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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