the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
