what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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