Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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