i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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