Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
