I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize