I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
