He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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