so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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