dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
