It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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