had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
