Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
