my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
