I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
