Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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