I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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