So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
