If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
