no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
