why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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