in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
