I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
