This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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