i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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