i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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