So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My vagina is officially offended.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
