just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
