i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She is in my trunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
