hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
