Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
