those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
