Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
