dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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