Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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