I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
