Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize