My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
