I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
