U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
