She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
