I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
