P.S. I can't hear my feet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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