I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize