I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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