just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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