Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
