I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
