Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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