Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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