Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
