He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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