you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
