i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
