I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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