I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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